girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
