Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
