you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
