I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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