I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You may now shotgun with the bride
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
