oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
