Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just high enough for therapy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
