White coat. Heels.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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