He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
