Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
