What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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