I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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