Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
