I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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