I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
