My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
