genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
