i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
