fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
