I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
