she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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