He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I need moral support for this bender
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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