would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
