1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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