So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
