you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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