Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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