Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
