I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
