We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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