i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she pinky promised me she was 18
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
