but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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