Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
