When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need help removing her.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
