my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
