she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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