I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
