i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
