yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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