meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
