guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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