I just threw up on my dentist
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My penis needs a shock collar
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
