There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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