woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
