Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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