How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
