Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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