the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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