god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
