You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
