Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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