well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
