this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
