I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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