Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
