i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
